Day 20- I didn't call

I didn't call. I didn't go for a walk and accidentally end up near HIS house.

I didn't drink any alcohol. I didn't email him either.

Instead I'm posting here.

I have 2 more full days with no children and I plan on doing a lot of cleaning today. If I'm ever going to sell this house, I have got to get it into shape and days with no kids are good days to do that because I can throw away stuff they will never miss...

Also, it is the birthday of one of my best friends. I'm sort of broke, so I don't know what to do... but I want to do something...

Day 7- Following and Being Followed

So yesterday's post was probably a bit of a shock for the few people who know me in real life. I'm fine. I'm over it for the most part. I didn't tell people for a lot of reasons. I've learned my lesson about trusting people who others tell me are not trustworthy.

As for the reaction I got when I told HIM, I don't know what to think. It is so unlike him that I can't help but think he is either a)trying to push me away and is being mean to do that, b)really hates me enough to think that. Either way, trying to work things out with him is out of the question. I have to stop clinging to the memories of the good days... and let him go.

Tomorrow I get to update the blog on how the things I want to change in my life have gone over the last week as a whole... I have a feeling it is going to be a little disappointing.

At some point I hope a few followers that don't know me in real life will be a boost to help me stick to what I need to do and encourage me to keep going. I'd be glad to follow your blog too if you are reading this. Just leave a comment and I'll check you out.

In other words... if you want to see how this all turns out...

But don't follow too closely... sometimes I run into walls.

-Waiting

Day 4- Harder than I thought

Yesterday I sent HIM a message to have a good day at work right before I knew he would leave. Why? I don't know.

Yesterday my new pots and pans finally came via UPS. I got a great deal on the set ($150) but I felt too guilty to even take them out of the box yet. I will later.

What else did I do? Well, after blogging about my spending habits and my debts, I went out and got a pedicure a bought some stuff at Goodwill (A brand new $170 juicer for $20).

Also, after blogging about needing to lose weight I sat down to eat tortilla chips... too many of them.

Lastly, after saying that I think I need to spend some time being single a guy that has been texting me wants me to meet him and go out on a date. Do I think he is 'the one'? Nope. But do I give him the benefit of the doubt, or am I just setting myself back a few months in the case that it takes that long for us to decide we won't work out?

Do I compromise because he might keep me from being lonely for awhile? I can't.

I think it is a bad idea... and really unfair to him.

A good friend of mine commented today that I am clearly not over the breakup from February yet. I am still in love with HIM. I thought he was the one. But I have to accept the facts, right? Even as I type this I have a hope in the back of mind and the bottom of my heart, that he will come back to me in some form. As a friend, a lover, a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband... in some form? Hell, I want all of him back... but I have to let go... right?

I don't want to cling to a hope if God has a different plan for my life. I would hate to spend so much time staring wistfully at HIM and hoping he is 'the one' that I miss the REAL 'the one'... if 'the one' exists at all.

"The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence;

it is to act with yesterday’s logic."

— Peter Drucker