Day 22- Tattletale Tuesday

Oh no! It is that time again!

(No not THAT time... I won't ever announce that on my blog. I promise.)

It's Tuesday, where I tell you how I am coming on my goals.

HIM- I basically left him alone. There was one email asking if I had left my swimsuit over there at his house. He said no and I left him alone after that. Oh, and the day he added me back on one of the messenger programs. I waited a day and said "Did you add me back on for a reason?" He denied adding me back on and told me he would block me right then and he did.

My diet- I really just need to eat better... and I'm not doing a good job.

My exercise- I did ride my bike a little bit... but not nearly enough.

My weight- up 3 lbs.

Money- If I can just get more work done, I will do okay. Right now I am treading water... not what I intended to do.

I did manage to do a great job getting some housework done this week with the kids gone. It is such good motivation to get a job done and be satisfied with it. It makes me want to do more.

"You have to set goals that are almost out of reach. If you set a goal that is attainable without much work or thought, you are stuck with something below your true talent and potential." - Steve Garvey

Day 17- To Dream a Dream

When I have a dream at night that sticks with me during the day, I often look up the possible interpretations of the dream and its elements. I wonder if 'dream dictionaries' are like newspaper horoscopes. I apologize to those of you who believe in them, but dream dictionaries and horoscopes both seem to be written in such a broad manner that they can cover anything.

Last night I dreamed about having a new baby. It was a little girl and she was in so many places in different dreams. The dream dictionaries I have read say that dreaming about babies can represent new beginnings... and that could totally be true. Right?

What is cool about that idea is how it applies to the rest of the dreams...

I felt a little bit overwhelmed by the new baby.

I was trying hard to provide for the new baby, but had trouble finding the money.

Some people stepped forward to help when I needed them.

But there were two things about the new baby that strike me now...

First, I tried to share the baby with HIM... and he wasn't interested.

Secondly, I was proud of the new baby... I showed her off a lot.

So, was my mind really telling me about the new beginnings that are coming... that I might need help, and I need to be careful with my money, and I might feel overwhelmed? That it is okay that HE doesn't want to be a part of it and that I will be proud of myself in the end?

Who knows really... but I do love this quote...

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame." -Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I can't wait to see that come true yet again... Well, I'm off to bed...

Sweet dreams...

Day 16- Oops

I wrote this last night, but didn't hit post...

(but on a second look I noticed it still posted yesterday's date.. so nevermind. lol)

It hit me today that not only have I gone over 72 hours without bothering about HIM, I have even gone that long without really wanting to talk to him.

I realized today that I need to work harder at some of my goals. I like the diet, but the working out hasn't been top of my list.

Just buying pizza "this one more time" instead of going to the store isn't good enough. Just taking a nap when I know I need to go for a bike ride or do a work out game on the kinect is not going to cut it.

I want to say this too... I have complete faith that God is the reason I will be able to make these changes and make this move and do the things that I need to do over the next year. However, there are two parts of that statement that don't quite go far enough. First, I will be making the changes with His help... but it will still take effort and energy on my part. Secondly, I am relying on prayer... it is an important part of what is happening here.

I fully believe that giving credit to God is an important part of being successful.

Day 15- Tattle-tale Tuesday

So, here is my weekly update. You want to know how I'm doing on all of my goals, right?

My weight is basically the same. I know why that is, but it is still frustrating. I have not been doing my 30 minutes of exercise a day. I have tried several times, but was shut down one way or another. Okay, that isn't completely true. All of those times it was the person I was supposed to go with who canceled on me... I could have gone on my own... but I didn't.

I was lax in finding myself some new recipes... but I have had a lot of banana smoothies and apple oatmeal cereal.

I am not in less debt today than I was last week. I am probably in more. Barely, but more none the less.

Talking to HIM. I don't know why it is that on the days that I am dealing with something big in my life, he is the one I want to turn to. So, I emailed him a few times. The last time was an apology for the few times before. I haven't contacted him about 'us' in almost 48 hours.

So, once again, the goal is no talking to him this week. 7 days. I can do that.

Once again I have stood my ground against men who wanted to get together.

No money has come in the last week, but tomorrow I will pay my tithes.

Today I have:

Turned down two guys who think "hey sexy" is an appropriate, respectful way to say hello to a stranger.

worked on some cleaning

worked on some writing

written this blog!

made a plan to look at some houses in the new town.

called storage places

Today I will:

Get my 30 minutes of movement in.

Spend 30 minutes cleaning the garage.

Make a healthy dinner

Fold laundry

I love this comic:

Change the fabric of your own soul and your own visions, and you change all.
~Vachel Lindsay~

Day 8- On my way

So, here is my update. While I am really disappointed in some things about this week, I have to make a note that the things I am disappointed about, I didn't work on whole-heartedly.

Let's start with the bad. My weight the same. I followed maybe 2 of the rules that go along with the Carb-Lover's Diet. I am pretty sure that eating at a Chinese buffet is not one of those rules.

This week I intend to write out a shopping list and find appropriate recipes so that I can test the diet out the way it was meant to be done.

I am in slightly less debt today than I was last week. That is not on purpose though. I forgot about a payday loan from my bank that they took back when I received my child support check this week.

The good news is that I am living with what I have left, and refusing to borrow from the bank again.

Talking to HIM. Well, that obviously went very badly. Once I was finally able to get him to talk to me about anything person he became mean and angry. I sent him a few 'final' emails. I asked him a few questions that he is refusing to answer about our break-up. They are things that I know will help me move on, but he doesn't want to tell me. Unless I hear different I might just decide to believe he is gay.

So, no talking to him this week. 7 days. I can do that.

I had a few opportunities to spend time with men who are interested in me this week. I could have done it easily just for the companionship. One kept talking about snuggling and watching a movie, which sounds awesome... but I know I'm not ready. So I turned down every date offer this week. I know that sounds terrible, like I get a lot of offers or something... but honestly, I just know that I am too 'damaged' right now to be dating material... and a lot of it was multiple offers from the same people.

I paid my tithes this week. I know it is the right thing to do and that I will be blessed for it. Do you know how I know? A few hours later I got an order for some writing that will bring in about $500.

Now I just have to get over this writer's block when it comes to this company.

Okay, off to write some more.

Day 4- Harder than I thought

Yesterday I sent HIM a message to have a good day at work right before I knew he would leave. Why? I don't know.

Yesterday my new pots and pans finally came via UPS. I got a great deal on the set ($150) but I felt too guilty to even take them out of the box yet. I will later.

What else did I do? Well, after blogging about my spending habits and my debts, I went out and got a pedicure a bought some stuff at Goodwill (A brand new $170 juicer for $20).

Also, after blogging about needing to lose weight I sat down to eat tortilla chips... too many of them.

Lastly, after saying that I think I need to spend some time being single a guy that has been texting me wants me to meet him and go out on a date. Do I think he is 'the one'? Nope. But do I give him the benefit of the doubt, or am I just setting myself back a few months in the case that it takes that long for us to decide we won't work out?

Do I compromise because he might keep me from being lonely for awhile? I can't.

I think it is a bad idea... and really unfair to him.

A good friend of mine commented today that I am clearly not over the breakup from February yet. I am still in love with HIM. I thought he was the one. But I have to accept the facts, right? Even as I type this I have a hope in the back of mind and the bottom of my heart, that he will come back to me in some form. As a friend, a lover, a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband... in some form? Hell, I want all of him back... but I have to let go... right?

I don't want to cling to a hope if God has a different plan for my life. I would hate to spend so much time staring wistfully at HIM and hoping he is 'the one' that I miss the REAL 'the one'... if 'the one' exists at all.

"The greatest danger in times of turbulence is not the turbulence;

it is to act with yesterday’s logic."

— Peter Drucker

Day 3 - Being Financially Ready

As a single mom and a freelance writer, you can imagine that money is sometimes tight. However, I had been doing a pretty good job of keeping everything under control. I even built my credit score back up to near 700.

Then came the break-up. Have you ever heard people say that shopping is cheaper than a therapist? It isn't.

I have some new clothes, a new bed, a new mattress, new kitchen cabinets and walls, new pots and pans, 30 extra pounds, and a few other things... oh yeah and a new credit score of 630.

In order to stop the cycle of borrowing, repaying, being overdrawn, paying fees, and having to borrow again, I decided to borrow all of it at once (at a sickeningly high interest rate) and dig myself out. Now, I have to focus on paying back this loan as quickly as possible.

I know that if I want a man who is going to be financially responsible, that I need to be as well. Hopefully careful planning will get me there.

I take that back in part. I strongly believe in tithing and I have to admit that I stopped tithing when I started over-spending and over-charging. It is not just planning that will get me where I need to be.

~~~ <3 <3 <3 ~~~

Note to my future husband: Wherever you are right now and whatever you are doing, know that I am doing this for me, but I am doing this for you as well. You deserve the me that is the most awesome me I can be. I know it sounds cheesy with that rhyming alliteration in there... I hope it made you smile. I love silly-cheesiness and making people laugh.

Wouldst thou shut up the avenues of ill,
Pay every debt as if God wrote the bill.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson