My 365 day journey from single to forever... not a catalog of dates and internet idiots...
looking inside myself to make the changes I need to make to become a better person.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Day 122 - The Root of All Evil

So, if you know me IRL, your first thought when you saw that title was "She's writing about BD?" Nope, I'm talking about money.

(And for those of you who aren't sure BD=baby-daddy. It is the nicest thing I can think to call him.) He does keep harassing me and threatening me with DCFS, but none of it is new to me when it comes to him... so I'll just keep going and shrug it off.

Anyway, on to money...

NG and I are are both a little in debt. Not so much that it is a catastrophe, and not so much that we are unable to ever get out of it, but enough that our current income has to be carefully monitored to make sure things don't get turned off on a regular basis.

Every month that I have been here so far I have set up a budget. The hard part about having a budget is letting the person who doesn't know what the budget says have a debit card. I have, very nicely said several times that I need him to get cash and only use the cash that is in his pocket unless it is an specific expense. But he brings in half of the household income... so I can't very well put my foot down and tell him to stop spending money without my permission, right?

This is especially true because I know that there are times where I go out and spend $20 without blinking. And, while one part of me says that I am getting upset at him for doing the same thing I am doing, the other part reminds me that before I spend a penny I have a plan of how the other bills will get paid and how much I can spend and how much the thing(s) I'm buying are really needed. (And when they are things that are not really needed, yes I do feel guilty.)

I get upset when he buys stuff, not because he is buying without my permission, but because he is used to buying whatever he wants whenever he wants and doesn't seem to see the importance of saving even a few dollars here or there. I've asked him to do several things that should help our situation, but they don't get done. So do I just keep bugging him even though I know he is very busy right now or do I just not say anything and pay the extra hundreds of dollars it is costing us...?

Am I being real here? Or am I setting a double standard or just being plain unreasonable? I don't know.

Here is the other problem. I love this guy. I don't want to make him angry or upset. I don't want to guilt him into eating PB&J every day for lunch. He goes out of his way to take care of me... and I want to do the same for him. Right now though, I am trying hard to keep our heads above water and I don't know how to communicate that lovingly.

I will just keep praying and paying tithes. It makes a difference. It will help. We will get through this. I do not plan to have issues stemming from fighting over money.

Anyone else have some input?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Day 121 - Fall

Ok, so I didn't get off to a good start with the blogging and the writing. I could make excuses. I could tell you how I had no internet for 24 hours that basically encompassed my writing time on two different days. I could tell you about mountains of laundry and hungry children and an absent-mindedness that has followed me since childhood. I won't. No point, right? I just need to get to work!

First today I'm writing to you, then in my book, and lastly for my editor who is probably a little upset that he hasn't had any new articles from me recently. If I have time, I have some writing jobs to apply for as well... before making homemade rolls for the church potluck tonight and getting the flowers planted outside.

Fall has always been my favorite season. The temperatures are close to perfect. There is less rain than in the spring. In the evenings I can wrap up in a blanket or put on a sweatshirt. My new home has given me yet another reason to love fall; the scenery.

Now, to be honest, I have always loved the scenery of fall. However, something about having it in right here in my own back yard makes it much more exciting this year. Here are a few pictures of the scenery on the drive up the hill to the area of town where my house is...

That water is the Illinois River.

Beautiful trees.

While there is much to do outside in our backyard, I am already enjoying the view out my office window and look forward to seeing deer and other animals walk through in the winter months and landscaping and flowers coming together in the spring to inspire me to write more.

Where do you write? Is it somewhere inspiring or is it
somewhere quiet and simple with no distraction?

Thought for the day...

"Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader—not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon."
E.L. Doctorow

Friday, October 7, 2011

Day 116 - Miles to Go Before I Sleep

I know you haven't heard from me in a while. Believe it or not, life with 6 children, a man and his mother can be quite hectic!

I created this blog to be a record of all of the changes that happen over the year, and SO MUCH has happened. Really though, I know that I have much farther to go. So, here I am again.

My goal again is to write here every day, whether it is a book's worth or a few sentences. In addition to that, I am working on my book again. I have decided that if I set a small goal to write daily, I will still be miles ahead of where I am right now when I get to the end of the month.

My goal then, for the book only, is to write 500 words per day. I still need to work on articles and find other writing work to do. I have some irons in the fire that I will be excited to share with you at some point.

I hope you are all having a blessed day!

Today, while browsing a friend's blog and seeing some ads on a commercial website for glasses and contacts, I found myself mentally correcting their spelling and grammar. Do you do that when you read? I know someone who needs this shirt: