My 365 day journey from single to forever... not a catalog of dates and internet idiots...
looking inside myself to make the changes I need to make to become a better person.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Day 122 - The Root of All Evil

So, if you know me IRL, your first thought when you saw that title was "She's writing about BD?" Nope, I'm talking about money.

(And for those of you who aren't sure BD=baby-daddy. It is the nicest thing I can think to call him.) He does keep harassing me and threatening me with DCFS, but none of it is new to me when it comes to him... so I'll just keep going and shrug it off.

Anyway, on to money...

NG and I are are both a little in debt. Not so much that it is a catastrophe, and not so much that we are unable to ever get out of it, but enough that our current income has to be carefully monitored to make sure things don't get turned off on a regular basis.

Every month that I have been here so far I have set up a budget. The hard part about having a budget is letting the person who doesn't know what the budget says have a debit card. I have, very nicely said several times that I need him to get cash and only use the cash that is in his pocket unless it is an specific expense. But he brings in half of the household income... so I can't very well put my foot down and tell him to stop spending money without my permission, right?

This is especially true because I know that there are times where I go out and spend $20 without blinking. And, while one part of me says that I am getting upset at him for doing the same thing I am doing, the other part reminds me that before I spend a penny I have a plan of how the other bills will get paid and how much I can spend and how much the thing(s) I'm buying are really needed. (And when they are things that are not really needed, yes I do feel guilty.)

I get upset when he buys stuff, not because he is buying without my permission, but because he is used to buying whatever he wants whenever he wants and doesn't seem to see the importance of saving even a few dollars here or there. I've asked him to do several things that should help our situation, but they don't get done. So do I just keep bugging him even though I know he is very busy right now or do I just not say anything and pay the extra hundreds of dollars it is costing us...?

Am I being real here? Or am I setting a double standard or just being plain unreasonable? I don't know.

Here is the other problem. I love this guy. I don't want to make him angry or upset. I don't want to guilt him into eating PB&J every day for lunch. He goes out of his way to take care of me... and I want to do the same for him. Right now though, I am trying hard to keep our heads above water and I don't know how to communicate that lovingly.

I will just keep praying and paying tithes. It makes a difference. It will help. We will get through this. I do not plan to have issues stemming from fighting over money.

Anyone else have some input?

1 comment:

  1. Money problems. That's a problem I'm very familiar with. I'm falling into an ever-deepening hole of debt, and it scares me. The only thing I can think of is that this book of mine better get finished and published soon, or I'll be in deep doo-doo. Of course, my happiest projections of how long it'll take me to finish is 1 year and 8 months...and that's if I do everything right.

    And even if I finish it, there's no real guarantee it will be a success anyway, now is there?

    Anyway, we were talking about your problems, not mine. NG sounds like a typical former bachelor. On the one hand, you shouldn't overstep into telling him what he should and shouldn't do. However, on the other, it is your job to make sure your kids are well taken care of. If talking with him about the money problems is the best way to take care of them, what do YOU think you should do?

    If it were just you, I'd suggest you try and put up with his spending habits and find a way to subtly show him a better way of life. But with kids in the do you think their life would be effected if the power was turned off? No lights. No heat. No microwave for food.

    In the end, the choice is up to you. If you are truly worried that your utilities will be shut off if something doesn't change soon, than I'd suggest having a family meeting and talking about how EVERYONE (including you) should cut back for budget reasons. That way he won't feel like you're attacking him, specifically.

    Hope that helps and that your money troubles get better soon. Sorry for being gone so long! How have you been doing?