My 365 day journey from single to forever... not a catalog of dates and internet idiots...
looking inside myself to make the changes I need to make to become a better person.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Day 237- God is Good

After my oldest and I went to a Rascal Flatts concert a couple of weeks ago and we had an awesome time, I realized that I needed to make more of an effort to do fun and special things with the kids individually.

I told my son that he and I would go out this weekend, and I told daughter #2 that she and I would do something special. I suggested Disney on Ice, even though I didn't know when it would come to town. She suggested that we go to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D the next day (of course meaning she missed some school... but we had a lot of fun) In fact, she told me I was the best mom ever several times. :-)

Tonight I took my son to a Monster Truck Rally. We had a great time. I was very worried that he wouldn't have fun, or that the event wouldn't be memorable for him. I should have remembered from the beginning that God is SO GOOD!

When my phone started to die and I couldn't get any good pictures because of the lighting, I prayed. I told God that I wanted this to be memorable and to please help my battery hold out until the lights came up again so that I could get a couple of good pictures for my son. In particular, I wanted one of him and I both.

Well, God answered my prayer and then some. The phone held out to get several more good photos, including one of Isaac and I and one of him while his favorite monster truck (Grave Digger) was in the background. Then, just at the event was ending, the Grave Digger driver was given a Tshirt to throw out to the crowd. My son took one step out into the aisle (he was on the edge seat) and the tshirt dropped right into his hands. Now that's pretty memorable, right?

It gets better.

Taped into the package with the Tshirt were two envelopes. One had 4 tickets to the B&B Circus for next October and the other had 4 tickets to Disney on Ice for next December.

Wait, Disney on Ice? Didn't I mention that earlier in this post? I sure did...

God heard and remembered.

This was defintely a wonderful night.

God is listening.

God does not forget.

We are all going to be okay.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Day 231 - Making Bacon

A friend of mine sent a text asking me if I was okay today.

I told him that the hardest part about all of this is that my heart is broken and I tear up when NG and I have to be in the same room together, while NG acts as thought nothing is wrong. I finished with "Men are pigs. :-P

My friend said, "Well make some bacon... it works with lemons and lemonaide, so why not?"

So, I'm not sure how... but I'm going to make bacon. (I hope God's not still

I said that I was going to start living with the faith of Joshua. How do I do that? I need to trust God for everything. EVERYTHING. I've done it before... and the stories are amazing... (I will share them at some point) so why did I quit? When did I quit? I don't know... but I know that if I start again, and truly believe in Him for ALL THINGS... even the impossible... God will provide, and provide far past my wildest dreams...

In all things, I have to remember ...

I am a treasure.

I deserve to be treated as such.

Nobody who thinks I'm "not good enough" is good enough for me.

God is good.

Most importantly of all, I have NEVER ONCE been alone...

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Day 230 - Lightbulb Moment

230 days ago I started writing a blog about how I planned to change my life.

I gave myself a year to make a whole bunch of changes and I was going to keep track of them through this blog, right? I wanted to be able to look back and see where I had come from...

Anybody else thing there are a lot of "I"s in those sentences?

This afternoon I was reading "Sun Stand Still"... a book about not just believing God to do big things, but expecting Him to do them in faith... BIG things... like Joshua asking God to still the Sun in the sky.

A thought hit me out of the blue... I KNOW why my life is suddenly a big mess... I was working on MY PLANS for me... instead of HIS PLANS for me.

Today I have been trying to plan out everything... where we will go, what we will do, how we will get there... when I KNOW that if I put it in God's hands, He will blow me away with what He does for us.

If anyone ever checks in here anymore, feel free to come back and see what amazing things He has planned for us in the next few months.

If we are on your prayer list by any chance... keep praying... it's working. :-)

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Day 229 - Wow

Well, 365-229 is 136... so now I have 136 days left to get to where I wanted to be last year when I started writing.

Where am I now? About 5lbs heavier and heartbroken.

Yes, we are still in New Guy's house... but yesterday he let me know that he has decided he wants me to move out in June (when the school year ends). He wants me to forget everything he promised me, all the begging he did to get us here, all the dreams I thought we shared, and just "move out amicably" in June.

If you are like me, you are asking yourself what I asked myself... "So did we just break up, or is he telling me he wants us to continue just the way we have been for the last 6 months until I have to leave?"

Apparently I am supposed to keep cooking, cleaning, taking care of all the kids, and not be upset by the fact that the man that I love sleeps a few feet from me, but doesn't want me anymore (or wont want me anymore in a couple of months?). My 14yr old offered to share her bed with me, but I just can't do it... I can't let my 14yr old take on the role of comforter for me...

I have to be a grown up and face the consequences of the decisions I made... the decision that so many people told me was wrong. Heck, I said "no" a hundred times before I said "yes," but he was so convincing. He was my prince... treating me the way I deserved to be treated... like a treasure.

What a fool I was.

I have to go to bed. I can't write any more tonight, but I'm sure I'll be back. I need sleep. I pulled something in my back today and it is killing me.... also, I dont want any tears on my keyboard.

Jimmy Fallon on SNL made me giggle, but it was temporary. Goodnight.