My 365 day journey from single to forever... not a catalog of dates and internet idiots...
looking inside myself to make the changes I need to make to become a better person.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Day 229 - Wow

Well, 365-229 is 136... so now I have 136 days left to get to where I wanted to be last year when I started writing.

Where am I now? About 5lbs heavier and heartbroken.

Yes, we are still in New Guy's house... but yesterday he let me know that he has decided he wants me to move out in June (when the school year ends). He wants me to forget everything he promised me, all the begging he did to get us here, all the dreams I thought we shared, and just "move out amicably" in June.

If you are like me, you are asking yourself what I asked myself... "So did we just break up, or is he telling me he wants us to continue just the way we have been for the last 6 months until I have to leave?"

Apparently I am supposed to keep cooking, cleaning, taking care of all the kids, and not be upset by the fact that the man that I love sleeps a few feet from me, but doesn't want me anymore (or wont want me anymore in a couple of months?). My 14yr old offered to share her bed with me, but I just can't do it... I can't let my 14yr old take on the role of comforter for me...

I have to be a grown up and face the consequences of the decisions I made... the decision that so many people told me was wrong. Heck, I said "no" a hundred times before I said "yes," but he was so convincing. He was my prince... treating me the way I deserved to be treated... like a treasure.

What a fool I was.

I have to go to bed. I can't write any more tonight, but I'm sure I'll be back. I need sleep. I pulled something in my back today and it is killing me.... also, I dont want any tears on my keyboard.

Jimmy Fallon on SNL made me giggle, but it was temporary. Goodnight.

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